Wednesday, March 26, 2014
I received a huge amount of criticism for gaining weight in the past few months. I've had strangers tell me that I'd look better if I gained a little weight here or lost a little weight there. I haven't always had acceptance of my own body, ever since I could remember I was told that if I was too thin or too fat that no one would want me. Meanwhile, there is no absolute definition of what is enough. Thus, I've learned to realize that if any one who wants to change me to fit their own selfish needs does not respect me hence they can not love me. If that person loved me then he or she would respect me. I am not an object and it is an overwhelming and distraught cycle of thinking I am not good enough. Even if I did try to live up to a standard of how others want me to look, another person may not like that standard. So why try to please anyone when I do not need to please anyone? On the other hand, having disrespectful qualities such being condescending, judgmental, stupid, negative, a predator, a bully, have low self esteem, entitled or vindictive is much worse than being too thin or too fat. Every person has a body type in how their body metabolizes fats and makes muscles. I can no longer be a size 0 and still be considered healthy hence my weight gain. I allowed myself gain the fat and muscle I need to be fully healthy and by allowing myself to stay healthy within my metabolism I ultimately learned to love myself. I didn't let myself go, I let myself be.